One Company to Rule Them All

Laqi Hyrrion

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Laqi Hyrrion
Laqi 1634-902.png
Full name Laqi Hyrrion (Deceased)
AKA Lackey Hurryin, The Imitation Lich
Physical information
Species Revenant
Gender Male
Hair color and style Bald and without a single functioning hair follicle
Eye color Grey
Skin color Pallid
Other The sort of hideous facial scaring that can make dogs cry, children laugh and old men doubt the existence of a benevolent god.
Biographical information
Father(s) Denied responsibility when asked.
Date of death 1st: 1605.5196 AN.ASC
2nd: 1644.6373 AN.ASC
Place of death 1st:Halluci Shire, Shirekeep
2nd: Dietsland
Residence(s) Dietsland
Nationality Elwynnese
Allegiance(s) Imperial Republic of Shireroth, ESB-Jörmungandr Group
Occupation Imperial Legate, Dux, Ambassador to Minarboria
Itinerant Observer, Futures Department, ESB-Jörmungandr Secretariat (Employee 1634-902)

“The poor man's been dragged through war-torn Shirekeep once each way, run ragged on frivolous errands, thrown from a roof to his death, resurrected by not-entirely-refined Elwynnese methods of lichification, shoved into Imperial office and dismissed again. Is there no limit to the punishment that can be inflicted on this poor fellow? It's a question which, I must admit, I'd be curious to see answered practically” - Ryabin Merkayastreb [1]


“I didn't want that job! I didn't want any of these jobs. I didn't want to be a spy, I didn't want to be a courier, I didn't want to steal that helicopter... and now I survived that people just won't stop promoting me.” - Laqi Hyrrion summarising[2] his career on the day of his (alas temporary) 'death'.


Biography

Laqi was one of those rare individuals whose career prospects improved with his death.

Cabbage Crisis
UDF deserter
Fugitive murderer in Goldshire
Courier
Attache
Thrown from a tall building by Daniyal Dravot
Revenant
MoMA
Dumped in a skip
Recovered by the ESB Group
Itinerant Observer in Minarboria
Rusting Shipping Container (ISO Container 9, Row 74G, Rothaven Docks, Rothhaven, Lachmeren)
"Trawler Counting" Scandal
Tankgewehr Scandal
Burrowing under the University of &zeter
Exercise Mulcher Scandal
Putrefact Scandal
Shireroth's Ambassador to Minarboria
Legate to Dietsland/Voltrue 1642.6325: Promoted twice in succession, becoming Dux of the 5th Division Imperial Army (Dietsland) and Imperial Legate of the Puritania Guidance Authority
1644: Deposed in a local coup organised by Waldemar Zinkgraven during the Year of the Four Kaisers he butchered and decapitated by the mutineers - his head was retained by Waldemar as a memento of the occasion. It is unknown whether Laqi, as a Revenant rather than a Lich, will ever regenerate.

Appearance

Positively frightful.

Personality

Laqi is notable for his inability to adapt to his present and foreseeably ongoing condition of undeath. Specifically this has led him to devote much of his post-mortal life to pursuing the sensual gratification that he once enjoyed as a 'Breather' (the Minarborian term for a mortal human being) no matter how fleeting and imperfect in form those pleasures may prove to be. He continues to consume human cuisine (in staggering quantities) and has a marked preference for warm-blooded sexual partners (generally, much to their dismay). Some of his efforts to recapture the basics of corporeal existence have taken on drastic form; particularly noteworthy in this regard the installation of a putrefact in the place of his defunct digestive tract.

That particular act of grotesque blasphemy had the accidental effect of transforming him into a devotional path to salvation amongst certain members of the local religion, a status that Laqi notoriously abuses in accepting offerings of haute cuisine, offered up willingly by a throng of devotees to tempt his synthetically wired palate. Whilst he is enjoying this, Laqi remains oblivious to the eventual likelihood that he will finish his days chained to an alter in a Sansabury church once his tenure as ambassador has ended.

Or perhaps he is aware and is already formulating his next improbable escape act. Only time will tell.

On occasions when he is particularly bored, Laqi is known to be fond of encouraging theological dialogue between his various chaplains who serve the Church of Elwynn, the Order of Mors, the Church of Minarbor and the Order of the Liberated Syzygy respectively. He will typically reward whoever is left standing at the end of the fight with a bundle of Erb in thanks for the entertainment - Minarboria being a post-monetary economy, these prizes are keenly sought.

Relationships

For most of his life Laqi's relationships usually ended with crying or demands for payment. His employers, whether Royston Merrick, Kaiser Aiomide, Tokaray al-Osman or Thorgils Tarjeisson, seldom proved to be especially benevolent, and usually had him in mind for dubious or suicidally dangerous tasks for which they were unwilling to lose anyone they actually cared about.

Nonetheless, since being deposited in Minarboria and steadily, in the face of all probability, establishing himself as a revenant of means and substance, he has gradually found coalesced around him a number of people who are in his service of more or less their own volition. At the last count his retinue comprised of:

  • Hafizov (a Kossar factotum of ingeniously brutal efficiency and doubtful loyalty);
  • Huldah Llynadorion (ESB-Jörmungandr Group Liaison and Anthropologist);
  • Clarissa Moor (Protocol Officer & Concubine);
  • Henrietta Moor (Deputy Protocol Officer, Secretary & Concubine);
  • Lusken Malkaret (Cultural Attache).
  • Chef de cuisine
  • Treasurer
  • Chaplain (Church of Elwynn)
  • Chaplain (Order of Mors)
  • Dissitor (Church of Minarbor)
  • Dissitor (Order of the Liberated Syzygy)
  • 5 Male Servants
  • 5 Female Servants
  • 10 Diplomats
  • 3 Huntsmen
  • 3 Falconers (as far as anyone can tell, Laqi only keeps falcons for the sheer bloody ostentation of it)
  • 6 Esquires
  • 4 Grooms
  • 4 Cooks

His relations with Lich society, although marred by the not entirely infrequent succession of scandals which have marked out his career, are also of a more enduring and stable nature than with his employers back east, with the tentative consensus that Laqi had very little in common with the Babkhi chauvinists and zealots of the Elwynnese N&H Party who constituted his employers, and whose rather narrow definition of legitimate civil society had resulted in Laqi's posting here in the first place.[3]