Arithmedarts

Arithmedarts is a variation of the standard game of darts, played mainly in Kalgachia. It is distinguished by the presence of four small, forward-facing prongs on the shaft of each dart, upon which are mounted loose sheaths known as droppers. While these remain in place during the throw of the dart, they are invariably ejected by its impact with the dartboard. The player is then required to fully and correctly state their total leg score, as amended by the throw in question, before the first dropper strikes the floor. Certain penalties are attendant upon those who fail to do so.

History

Much debate surrounds the identity of Arithmedarts' inventor, doubtless exacerbated by the insobriety of those who were present when it was first proposed. It is known that the game emerged within the Nova English theme pubs of Oktavyan, Kalgachia's capital city. Unlike the working men's taverns of Nova England itself, the clientele of their Kalgachi imitations were restricted to a financially-favoured minority due to the hideously high import cost of famed Nova English ales. Among other representatives of the well-to-do, these pubs attracted a number of students from the prestigious University of Oktavyan, the children of the Kalgachi elite whose independent means allowed them to pursue idle studies of the Benacian classics and other indulgences in obscurantist profundity. The smarter half of these invariably went on to pursue a career in government service whilst the academic passengers, insufferable eccentrics and social parasites were quietly nudged into any number of Troglodyte think tanks where their self-important warblings could be sifted for marginal scraps of utility by more adept analysts.

It was an unidentified member of the latter group, participating in a standard darts match for the first time, who was heard to observe that the skill required in keeping a timely track of one's score vastly outweighed that of throwing the dart, and that the structure of the game ought to be revised with this in mind.

Rulesets

An Arithmedarts match initially proceeds in the standard manner, with each player taking three-dart turns to reduce their score from 501 to zero, requiring a terminal double and no busts - but with each throw, the player must call out their total leg score in the half-second of time between the impact of the dart on the board and the contact of the first dropper with the floor. This is a relatively simple task for accurate throws on well-used parts of the board, but somewhat more vexing when hitting little-used doubles and triples in the closing throws of a leg, or throwing wide into unintended or unanticipated parts of the board.

Should all four droppers fail to fall from the dart, or the dart fails to lodge itself in the board, a no-throw is announced by the referee and the throw must be retaken.

Arithmedarts has two official rulesets: Town and Gown.

Town Rules

Town Rules are considered suitable for informal, casual or novice players of Arithmedarts, and work as follows:

Should the player call out a score which is unintelligible, or fail to call out a score at all, or fail to finish calling out a correct score by the time the first dropper has struck the ground, a no-call is announced by the referee and the score is not amended. Should the player call out an intelligible but incorrect score, regardless of timing, the error of their call against the real score (whether greater or lesser) is added on to the latter. A leg score may only be reduced if the reduction appropriate to the dart's position on the board is correctly called by the player in the allotted time.

Gown Rules

Gown Rules are considered de rigeur for tournament or exhibition play and are hailed by their proponents as a worthy, if somewhat perverted descendant from the mensur tradition of Minarboria's University of &zeter. Gown Rules work as follows:

Any no-throw, no-call or incorrect call, at any point of a player's three-dart turn, erases any scoring made in that turn and requires the player to strip to the waist and stand directly in front of the dartboard, facing into it with their arms by their sides (females are permitted an upward flexing of their lower arms to maintain their modesty). The player's opponent is then required to stand at the oche and throw a single dart into the stripped player's bare back, shoulder or upper arm. Should the opponent fail to throw hard enough for the dart to lodge securely in the flesh, their subsequent three-dart turn at the board is reduced to a single dart. Should the opponent strike within three centimetres of the spinal centreline or anywhere other than the back, shoulder or upper arm, their subsequent turn at the board is entirely forfeited.

Darted players may remove embedded darts and apply dressings if they wish - although, like cries of pain, it is considered cowardly. Spectators generally respect and applaud darted players who remain silent and proceed with the match without acknowledging their wounds in any way. The most legendary Arithmedarts players have been known to carry a match to victory with as many as a dozen darts still embedded in their blood-streaked backs.

The preferred point to dart a player is in the upper dominant arm, with the intention of physically impeding their throwing ability. Occasionally players will perform a "Natopian" - a dart thrown into their opponent's clothed buttock which invariably provokes the crowd into howls of amusement and jibes about the darted player "liking a good prick in the arse". Although this tactic is offically illegal and forfeits the darter's next turn, it is sometimes used tactically in the expectation that the darted player's humilitation for the rest of the match will impair their scoring to a greater extent than the darter's three lost throws. Similarly, some darters will deliberately spare an evidently-suffering opponent with a feeble throw that fails to anchor the dart in the flesh, sacrificing the length of their next turn for the sake of sportsmanship.

Governance

Arithmedarts is governed in Kalgachia by the All-Kalgachi Arithmedarts Association (AKAA) which is unique among Kalgachi sporting authorities in being part of the Directorate of Education and Outreach, rather than the Directorate of Health and Public Welfare for whom Arithmedarts falls outside (and arguably antithetical to) the concept of sport as an aid to physical health. The combination of the game's academic origins and DEO oversight has caused it to be most popular within the more advanced elements of Kalgachia's education system - most visibly in the university and gymnasium towns of Oktavyan, Bergburg and Lithead whose institutions of learning regularly compete against each other in Arithmedarts tournaments and leagues.

Reception

Many parishes within Kalgachia's Lieutenancy of Jollity have banned the play of Arithemedarts under Gown Rules for fear of upsetting their presiding Lord Toastypops, who has allegedly condemned the practice as "NOT VERY JOLLY AT ALL" - indeed Arithmedarts players in the more serious academic leagues report a disproportionately high receipt of malodorous bonemeal and corpse wax from the undead Salvator as he makes his periodic gift rounds among the Kalgachi populstion.