Catologism

Catologism is a micronational religion, founded by Hieronymus Erasmus, Prophet and Successor of Cato in 2005. Central to its doctrine is the belief that sins are praiseworthy, as it allows the believers to by indulgences from the Church. Are considered to be sins (amongst other things): not knowing how to count using a hexadecimal system, and not knowing how to count using a binary system.

It has adherents in Flanders and Batavia; it also used to have a presence in Het Rijk. The Flemish and the Batavian Churches operate independently, though both have official contacts since the First United Concilium in August 2009. This instituted a rotating presidency between the two national churches.

In Batavia, the King is head of the Church, although it isn’t the official state church. In practice it is lead by the Archbishop, currently Constantijn I.

In Flanders, the highest ranking official is Pope Erwin I.

Hetorodoxy, catologism’s rival religion, does not deny the veracity of the catological creeds, but states that catologism represents the antagonistic principle in its cosmology – the principle of destruction and decay. As such, it is as much part of God as any other belief system, and their gods are as real as any other, but they must not be revered or strengthened in any other way.

Main Branches

The Batavian branch of Catologism continues to be the largest denomination of the religion. In addition, the Reformed Catologian Church has several million adherents in Batavia, mainly in the South, and in Kasterburg. The Calbain Church is a syncretic off-shoot of Catologism that was founded in the 16th century.

Central tenets

The Flemish and Batavian churches tend to lay different nuances. While in Flanders, many references have been made to Cato and the Boreal Gods, little is known about them and more emphasis is layed on commandments and practices. Batavia, by contrast, is used to a more complex catergorisation of Gods. This does, however, not mean that the latter is rejected in Flanders. However, both churches recognize that they do not always revere the same gods, and find this praiseworthy.

Anyways, both base their creeds on the story of the Great Cato, who once found himself waiting to long for a beer and then killed his neighbour’s dog, ascending the Pantheon as God of Unjust Revenge. Cato is also the one who suggested to Jan (also simply called God, although he was just one of many gods, and not a very brilliant one) to create the world. Cato Ambetantus is recognized by both churches as the greatest of all Gods, and Hieronymus Erasmus as his prophet.

According to the Batavian categorization, the gods can be subdivided into three categories:

1. The primal gods (oergoden), who directly descend from Cato: Weckgut (a cosmical deity), Rhéjá (goddess of animal life), Polys (god of wealth), Charlotya (goddess of wisdom and poetry), Davilius (god of reincarnation and eternal life)

2. The House of Batavius, the children of the primal gods who can be regarded as the Batavian national gods: Avius Batavius (god of self sacrifice), Regius Batavius (god of sovereignty), Ingela Batavius (goddess of travel), Pontifex Batavius (God of Parliament and perfection), Justitia Batavius (goddess of justice), and the demi-gods Democrates Batavius (incarnation of the Lower House and democracy) and Aristocrates Batavius (incarnation of the Upper House and the nobility)

3. The House of Spes, which are essentially foreign gods adopted by the primal gods: Spes (goddess of hope), Mog (god of political blunder) , Stora (goddess of legends), Alejia (goddess of passion and fury), Koki (goddess of destruction and chaos), Milyos (goddess of trade) and Crylonda (goddess of love)

One should note that Hieronymus Erasmus, the Church’s prophet, has declared that the numer of Gods is 42.

Flemish Pope Erwin V.H. also issued the following commandments:

1. Thou shalt always bow before the Pope.

2. Then, thou shalt always kneel before the Pope.

3. Thou shalt always revere the Pope.

4. Thou shalt always obey the Pope.

5. Thou shalt always vote for the Pope.

6. Thou shalt always give financial support to the Pope when He’s short of cash.

7. Thou shalt never doubt His Holyness’ choice of words.

He also declared the following to be the church’s dogmata:

1. There is no God but Athe, and Agnostis is his prophet.

2. Athe is composed of eleven persons, forming the Holy Undecity (Elevenhood): the Father, the Son, the Grandson, the Mother, the Granny, the Grampa, the Cousin Twice Removed, Corny Uncle Jos, Fido the Family Dog, Corny Uncle Jos’ Ex-Wife Rita and Whatshisname.

3. Every one of these eleven persons has different incarnations and avators, amongst which the Boreal gods. Nevertheless, these are also separate deities. However, Athe remains the only God. This absurd situation is part of the Grand Mystery of Being.

4. Should the Pope and Hieronymus Erasmus (praised and feared by his name) contradict themselves or eachother, this too is not a real contradiction, but part of the Grand Mystery of Being.

5. During the Holy Sacrament of Beer Drinking, Athe’s blood changes into commercial geuze and kriek (note: Belgian types of ales). Since drinking Athe is a sin, one should abstain from it and drink traditionally brewed geuze and kriek instead.

Holy Days

January 1st: New Saints Day: up to two new saints can be appointed; saints having the right to sell indulgences

May, 1st: Day of Laughing at People with Red Flags

September 30th: Commencement of summer indulgences; the winter indulgences get a sale price

December 22nd till 25th: Turkeys are to be saved from popish hands with the help of the Animal Liberation Front