Lord Toastypops
| |
| Species | Human (undead) |
| Date of Birth | Unknown |
| Place of Birth | Eastern Volhyria, Republic of Ashkenatza (presently Bergburg, Kalgachia) |
| Current Residence | Jollity, Kalgachia |
| Occupation | Salvator of Ketherism Lord Lieutenant of Jollity |
Lord Toastypops is a being of quasi-divine status inhabiting the Octavian mountains of west-central Benacia, where he has accumulated significant folkloric prestige over the span of several mortal generations and different nation-states. His persistence in a physical sense is owed to his port-mortem animation by the caste of necromancers whose undead creations prevailed among the societies of southern Benacia between -500 and 145 Anno Libertatis. The unique nature of Lord Toastypops' animating force - obtained from the collective jollity of the world rather than artificially-laid necromantic ley lines - ultimately gave him a partial immunity to the catastrophic de-animation which struck his fellow liches en masse and tipped the Empire of Minarboria into collapse. Cast into a period of dormancy by the deficit in regional jollity during that period, Toastypops was eventually re-animated in 187 Anno Libertatis by the cautious strains of optimism arising from the establishment of Kalgachia, whose nascent religious tradition had upheld his name and deeds in its own hagiographies. Toastypops soon found that his re-emergence into this cult, made all the more receptive in his absence, gave him effectively unquestioned power to modify Kalgachi state policy in line with his own jolly objectives.
Origins according to Minarborian sources
A small corpus of somewhat dated texts from the Minarborian era, devoted typically to the glorification of that empire's namesake Shrub-god, sheds a valuable light upon how Lord Toastypops came to be.
Clerical Opinion
"Lord Toastypops, the ruler of Toastytop and unliving icon of Lichmastide, hardly seems to need introduction. Few indeed are those in Minarboria who have not, one morning each year, risen to gifts and sweets - or, possibly, coal and corpse wax - delivered in the night by a figure in black and silver. But while all know what he does, who he is has, until recently, remained a mystery, with only a few clues to be found in his recorded comments. With the publication of his Testament, however, are several details of his early existence, which allow much of the rest to be reconstructed, albeit without confirmation by the Paragon himself.
Lord Toastypops' description of the construction of Bad Neighbour and of his role associated with it makes it clear that he was present in the new city of Lichkeep in 87 AF and for at least several years thereafter, and that he was at the time part of a mercenary force hired by Her Jolliness (then only Queen of Lichbrook) as extra security during the later stages of the Cabbage Crisis that had gripped Shirekeep across the river. Hinting that he had experienced troubled times at home, he was further depressed by the ongoing destruction around him. Dying while repelling an attempt by infected to cross the river, he apparently returned shortly thereafter as a lich (possibly he was granted undeath by the Deathgivers in return for his service) and, while adjusting to his new state, he found solace and a renewed capacity for laughter upon beholding the Shrub for the first time. No longer having a taste for war, and shunned by his former comrades, Lord Toastypops departed for the lands of former Ashkenatza, whose government had collapsed into anarchy only shortly before. There he began attempting to lift the spirits of the despairing population, partly by example, partly by giving such gifts as he could make.
The study of the royal archives in Lichkeep suggest that the mercenary bands hired for Lichkeep's defence were Kossars - the ancestors of those currently living in present-day Vollity - and, given the then-recent collapse of the Ashkenatzi state, were seeking their fortunes in foreign lands. Given Lord Toastypops' long connection with what is now Sepulchre - formerly Mazeltov - research focused on the only such band that hailed from that region. That the appellation of a mid-ranking member of the band, one Tevye the Tsutsheppenish, might have been feasibly corrupted into the otherwise inscrutable "toastypops" is suggestive, though given that exactly nothing is known of Tevye's life before or after serving in Lichkeep except for his place of origin, suggestive is all it can ever be.
Toastypops' perspective is an example of the profound influence that even a brief encounter with the Shrub is capable of producing - both upon a person, and through them. There is no indication that Lord Toastypops was ever a man of faith, either before or after his revelation, until the much-later advent of the Church, nor indeed that he even understood fully the import of the Shrub's presence in the world; but he knew that his existence had been changed for the better, and through him the Shrub changed others, well before they knew of Him.
For his long-standing role in supporting jolliness throughout the lands that would become Minarboria, Lord Toastypops is considered to be the Minarborealist Paragon of Jollity."
Minarborealist Scripture
(from the Testament of Toastypops the Jollfied, dictated by Lord Toastypops himself)
"II. (I) In far-off days did I with diverse companions come out of the West, where Strife and Despair had taken dominion and proud Maroon faded to barren Green. (II) And in the emptiness of our hearts we sought to fill them again; some with hope of adventure, some with hope of riches, some with hope of a new life; and I was of this last. (III) And being men of the sword and the gun, we sought service with those who required such things, and were summoned to the place Lichbrook by its Queen, whose hair was sky-blue and whose eyes burned red. (IV) For across the river to the north there had been already war and devastation between contenders for the Mango Throne; and they who remained were struck by a plague of cabbage, and the city between the rivers saw its streets filled with madness. (V) And the Blue-Haired Queen said unto us, Though The Strife Is Too Great To Be Ended, I Shall Not Permit It To Extend To My Lands; Therefore Guard The Shores Of The River, That None Cross Without My Leave; And If They Do, I Shall Make You Wish They Had Not. (VI) And our hearts were unquiet, but the gold given to us for our service stilled our tongues.
III. (I) At the command of the Blue-Haired Queen did I and my companions take station in the east of the place Lichkeep, where much work was being done; (II) And the ground was made strong to bear the weight of a great device, a mighty weapon fit to smash mighty walls. (III) And from the high walls of the bastion set about the weapon, the plight of the city between the rivers was laid bare for all to see. (IV) Verily, the ravings of the mad and the screams of the unfortunates reached our ears even there, borne upon the wind. (V) And some of us stood unmoved, but I who had fled the West to leave behind Strife and Despair found them again in that place; (VI) And it seemed to me that their dominion lay over all the world, so that none might escape it. (VII) For many days the darkness choked my soul, and my memories of light faded, and all hope fled.
IV. (I) Many times did the cabbage-stricken seek to take the place Lichkeep and bring their madness to it, and many times were they driven back, for they came in ones and twos. (II) But upon a night of full moon did they seek to cross the river on many rafts, and all were called to the defense of the city. (III) And we battled them upon the shore, and sank their rafts, but still they sailed across; and in desperation did I board a raft and fight them in the midst of the river. (IV) And at last I fell beneath the knives and fingernails of the mad, and sank into the river, and I accepted the embrace of the darkness, and I knew no more; but I was called back, and in despair I woke again. (V) In the midst of day the darkness surrounded me, and grew deeper, for my companions shunned me, saying, You Are Dead Yet You Are Not, This Chills Us To Our Baitsim. (VI) And I said unto them, But The People Of This Place, For Whom We Have Fought, Are No Different; but my companions said, Then You May Join Them. And they cast me out, and I was no longer of their people. (VII) And for many days I wandered the place Lichkeep without purpose.
V. (I) In the fullness of time did the Blue-Haired Queen summon me before her, and I went. (II) And she said unto me, You Have Fought Valiantly For Me, And You Are Worthy. But You Are Starting To Get In The Way With All This Moping Stuff. (III) And I told her of the darkness that surrounded me, and she considered; and she beckoned me, saying, There Is Something You Should See. (IV) And so did she bring me into the presence of a plant, like unto those of the plains of the West, but with a tiny face; and she said, Behold This SHRUB, And Be Weary No More. (V) And I looked upon the face of the SHRUB, and I said, Awww. (VI) And the SHRUB smiled hopefully, and politely requested of me: Do Not Be Sad. Please? (VI) And verily I could not be sad in the face of His Shrubly Gaze; for the SHRUB trusted in me to find light, and light came to me through His purity. (VII) And for the first time in many years, I laughed with joy, and the darkness left me; and the face of the SHRUB mirrored my joy and increased it tenfold.
VI. (I) And the Blue-Haired Queen said unto me, Remember What You Have Seen, And Now Try Not To Get Underfoot; and she sent me forth from that place. (II) And I remembered the SHRUB, and carried the light He gave me; and I went even unto the West from which I came, to bring that light to the darkness in such fashion that I could. (III) For in the darkness of Strife and Despair are we lost; we must strive for the light, the light of Hope and of Joy, from which the SHRUB beckons to we unknowing souls. (IV) When all else has gone, remain steadfast in Jollity, which is the gift of the SHRUB."
Activities
Lord Toastypops considers it his eternal mission to promote the jollity of mortals, by rewarding such jollity that he finds and conferring dire warnings and/or veiled threats upon the habitually miserable. He is most active around the winter solstice, displaying an ability to distribute gifts and advice which appears to defy physical laws in its scope and intensity, as does his knowledge of those he meets. This burst of winter activity, being mostly well-regarded by the populations with whom he interacts, has been designated a seasonal holiday - first as Lichmas by the Minarborians, and later as the Feast of Lord Toastypops by the Kalgachi - in a manner sharing certain similarities with the cult of Micrasanta.
Although usually keeping a pensive and respectful distance from petty politics, Lord Toastypops has been known to intervene in certain events which threaten to compromise the jollity of his chosen season.
Lord Toastypops is reputed to be assisted in his activities by a pair of chthonic, plant-based entities known as Asparagod and Broccolufagus, which exhibit a pecular obsession with ensuring the consumption of green vegetables by small children. These entities - described variously as land spirits, fallen archons or demented Deep Singer brigands - are allegedly far less affable or gentle in their work than Lord Toastypops, which may explain their languishment in the realm of Minarborian-Kalgachi folk tradition in lieu of any official promotion by religious organisations.
Appearance
Time and wear have long since left Lord Toastypops with nothing but bone, and glowing blue lights emanate from his eye sockets; but he is impeccably dressed in a long robe and coat of black trimmed with silver.
Personality
Cheerful and jolly almost to a fault, he laughs often and exhibits patience for anyone not actively spreading misery.
