Account of Saint Nathaniel

The Account of Saint Nathaniel is a holy Bovic scripture and seventh scroll of the Book of Doctrines.

The Account of Saint Nathaniel of the War that does not exist

During the war that was not part of our own actual history Nathaniel was hearing damage reports from the air strike when suddenly he noticed a strange smell on the bridge of his vessel. He turned to see a small man, smoking marijuana, wearing a Margarian hat covering his dreadlocks that draped down his filthy tie dyed shirt. The entire bridge was silent except for the faint beeping of equipment and the sound of this mysterious hippie inhaling from his joint.

The emperor turned and whispered to his adjunct, "ensign... who the hell is that disgusting man?"

The ensign turned bright red "s-s-sir... er... y-your majesty... s-sir... he is a ... er... peace delegation from Fifty Elk Island, brought aboard as part of his professed neutrality and... our... er... y-your majesty's own policy of hospitality toward neutrals as a show of Natopian civility... s-sir."

Nathaniel nodded... "well... I don't like him. Please throw him off this ship. And ensign... literally. Throw him off... this boat... understood?"

The ensign saluted and ordered some crewman to grab the hippie and drag him to the bow.

Nathaniel turned back to his reports. "Well men... I frankly don't care anymore. I'll be taking the helicopter and be on my way. I authorize Plan Omega... godspeed gentlemen... I would say it was an honor serving with you... but... I really didn't get to know you that well."

And as Nathaniel left the bridge, he heard the faint splash of the hippie being tossed overboard. He made his way to the special armored anti-grav copter, and took off... toward the north pole, away from hostilities.

The commanders on the bridge we're gloomily going about plan Omega... all fighter and bomber pilots were ordered to do kamikaze strikes against the Nova English and Novatainian fleets. They had solace knowing that any Natopian who died during a plan Omega strike was assured entrance into the Bovinist heaven, Dairyland... with 72 virgin calves for their pleasure. The Pentheros of the Dozan Bovic Church, has the authority to grant such allowances.

And thus the Foolish Martyrs of the War That Does Not Exist earned their canonization in the Fodder of Saints... fulfilling the Pentheros' divine prophecies.

Preceded by: The Margarine Cow and the Grapefruit

Book of Doctrines 7

Succeeded by First Storish Epistle