The Margarine Cow and the Grapefruit
The Margarine Cow and the Grapefruit is a holy Bovic scripture and sixth scroll of the Book of Doctrines.
The Account of Saint Biffor regarding the Fruit of the Margarine Cow, the Grapefruit
The sun was high as Biffor strolled through the orange orchard of Doza admiring all that the reverent Butter Cow had created. So fair and beautiful were the trees and oranges that hung from them that Biffor wandered among them in awe until he realised that the day was all but spent and that he had wandered so far into the fair orange grove that he no longer knew the way out. Distressed he lifted his face to the heavens and prayed for guidance. There before him appeared the image of the reverent Butter Cow and Biffor was overjoyed.
“Fool!” spake the Butter Cow, “Why have you wandered so carelessly into the orange grove? Is it that you were admiring all my creations?”
“It is so, reverent one, I was so awe struck by the beauty of your trees and oranges that I wandered for countless hours and cannot find my way out again!”
To which the reverent Butter Cow replied: “As I thought. I will show you the way out on one condition, do not pick any of the fruit of the trees for they are not yet ripe for picking.”
Biffor agreed although he had been walking all day and was by this time very hungry. The image of the holy Butter Cow turned to lead the way. As the holy one set off towards the orange grove's edge, Biffor saw the largest and most juicy orange he had ever seen. Over come by greed he stretched out his hand to it, picked it from the branch and slipped into his pocket for fear of being seen disobeying the reverent one's order.
As they walked Biffor received much wisdom from the Butter Cow on many subjects, from the evils of wearing socks with sandals to the virtues of Mel Brookes' movies.
At last they came to the edge of the trees and Biffor was overjoyed. Suddenly, feeling the guilt of his disobedience, he confessed to the reverent Butter Cow.
“Oh holy Butter Cow I have degraded myself by disobeying your order not to pick any fruit of the trees!”
“Fool!” said the Butter Cow, “Does thou think I did not notice? 14Do not attempt to tell me that great bulge in your pocket is because you are pleased to see me!”
Biffor pulled the orange from his pocket and held it out to the Butter Cow and the Butter Cow said, “You picked it and you carried it, eat it. For are you not hungry?”
Biffor, feeling reprieved hurriedly peeled the juicy orange and took a large bite. “BLARGH!” screamed Biffor.
“Yes!” smiled the Butter Cow, “For your disobedience I have changed the orange into a grapefruit, the cursed fruit of the Margarine Cow! Eat it and be cleansed of the sin that it brought you.”
Biffor ate the grapefruit, though the sourness contorted his face, and he was glad.
| Preceded by: The Law as revealed to Saint Taznim |
Book of Doctrines 6 |
Succeeded by Account of Saint Nathaniel |
