Revelations of Saint Biffor

Revelations of Saint Biffor is a holy Bovic scripture and fourth scroll of the Book of Doctrines.

The Revelation of Saint Biffor

The Revelation of the reverent Butter Cow of the things which will come to pass as given to his disciple, Biffor, who bare witness to this account.

And lo, I saw the many lesser cows amongst the other creatures of the earth, grazing and mowing. Then the sky opened up and there was a great disturbance. From the sky came forth a demon shaped like a saucer with goggles.

The demon terrorized the cows and creatures of the earth and took them up into its belly. There it did horrendous things to the cow, it sliced them and played music with their entrails.

And then there was a room with many tubes. In it were cows being grown in a most unnatural way. The reverent Butter Cow saw this and was not pleased. He commanded one of the cows to grow, and thus it grew as a tumor, uncontrolled until it caused the demon to erupt and burst. Still the cow continued to grow until it let forth its own spawn into the world.

These spawn went on to terrorize and eat the other creatures of earth, for they were spawn of the Margarine Cow, who had been created by the demon, yet given life by the Butter Cow, therefore the Margarine Cow desired only destruction, for it knew not if it were good or evil, for it was made of both and yet therefore neither.

The demons came forth again, to subdue and control the Margarine Cow. They succeeded. However, as the Margarine Cow fell to the earth, it summoned forth material from the city with dimensions of one mile squared. The material became Mecha-Margarine Cow, and battled the demon with a dozen eyes which had come from the sky.

And thus the two titans fought for 40 seconds until the sky opened up yet again and a great mechanical beast began to rain fire upon the earth. The Mecha-Margarine Cow rode the demon with a dozen eyes into space and to the moon.

As soon as the Mecha-Margarine Cow had left the planet with the demons, there was then no evil upon the earth's surface. The Butter Cow saw this and took up all of his faithful to live with him for eternity in Dairyland.

There in space the Mecha-Margarine Cow saw the destruction on the face of the earth caused by the large mechanical beast, and seeing no other option, thrust the moon down onto the beast and earth, killing 1/4 of the world's population in the process.

He then returned to earth, which now only had the heathens, and he set up his centurial kingdom of false butter gods, strict intolerance, and Victorian sensibilities.

And those in Dairyland looked down upon their brothers and sisters and felt pity. And they laughed.

Preceded by: Vices of Mount Vice

Book of Doctrines 4

Succeeded by The Law as revealed to Saint Taznim